If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it? – Dōgen Zenji
In this post I’ll be talking about why I am staying in a monastery this summer.
Saying that I’m going to wait until I graduate college, make money, or whatever other event is like eating unhealthily for the next 30 years of my life, hoping that I will change to a healthy diet in the future and suddenly become healthy as I age and die. But we all know how that will turn out – eating like shit will become my lifestyle and I’ll up with a clogged artery before I’m even 50.
The same goes for nurturing a focused mind. I’ve been asked why I am doing these extended meditation retreats, they say that “you’re too young.” But it is too easy to get into sucked into the vortex of striving for success and money, and I’ll end up sitting on my rocking chair whining about how I’m too old. I am also prepared that I will not come out of a retreat with some new exotic wisdom. Meditation is not a one time thing, it is something that I have to incorporate into my everyday life in order to understand its benefits. Like many Zen masters have said – practicing zazen (Zen seated meditation) is in eating, sitting, sleeping, walking. To have some deep feeling about Buddhism is not the point; we just do what we should do, like eating supper and going to bed. This is Buddhism. (Sunryu Suzuki) The goal is to have an impenetrable awareness, Buddha mind, in every passing moment.
Suzuki mentions that there are something like 160 or so moments in every second. But the number doesn’t really matter, what matters is that I want to be able to discern those every moments. I’m starting to understand what Suzuki meant when he said to treat every moment as your last. It is not a preparation for something else.
Furthermore, I want to take this summer to start practicing the concept of the beginner’s mind. If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but on the expert’s mind there are few. While I have come from a pretty extensive background of Theravada Buddhism, I don’t want to have some delusion that I already know everything, because I don’t. In fact, that’s part of why I wanted to practice a different school of Buddhism. For the past couple years, I also have had really bad neck pains, so sitting zazen for a couple hours at a time will definitely be very challenging. But instead of thinking about it as something that is holding me back, I will use my pain as the basis of my practice.
Nothing we see or hear is perfect. But right here in the imperfection is perfect reality. – Suzuki
These next few weeks might not be the most fun; but after all, experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.