College is…

Chasing romanticized ideas of some things, then realizing the reality of them.

Having my eyes wide open in my seminar. Soaking everything in, learning so much that I can’t imagine to be asleep. Pages flipping so quickly as everything in my brain is clicking together when looking at past readings.

When relationships get nuanced.

Maturing my naive feelings, and the joy of chasing those matured feelings.

Sitting in the chair of the music library, completely entranced in my readings. I don’t feel my neck pain anymore, because the ideas in my head are flying everywhere and making connections with each other.

Walking frustratingly into office hours driven by questions rather than trying to impress.

Questioning… Questioning why the hell I’m here.

Questioning why I care about prestige.

Not knowing what I’m going to get myself into, then doing it anyway.

Feeling like you’ve met a spiritual sage talking to your professor.

You know that feeling when you have to write a paper that is 7 pages long, and have no idea how the hell you’re going to complete it? But there is the beautiful moment when you get so immersed in the content that you forget about small details like page length. Getting so dedicated to trying to tell the best story, forming the best arguments – then by the time you know it, you’ve exceeded the page length requirement.

Having the autonomy to do what I want, and focusing the things that I actually care about. Then riding on that positive wave of confidence where everything just seems to be getting better. Hitting new PRs (increasing my lifts) everyday in the gym, sleeping better and better, classes getting more engaging and challenging, becoming happier and happier in general.

Being unable to sleep, then playing pool, talking about life, and cooking with friends until 5 AM.

Reading about my culture and things from my childhood – but scribbled in the margins are the confusing inconsistencies stuck in my head, questioning how my values are conflicting with what I’m reading.

Being completely captivated by your math professor.

Doing random things just to spice things up.

Having people you care about that do those random things with you.

Maturing relationships with parents and friends.

Having a lot of things to do but ending up writing anyways because that’s what is more important.

Eating by myself.

Making mistakes, feeling terrible, and vowing never to do them again.

Going to New York during finals week.

Talking late into the night not just about academics but about living life.

Waking up in the morning, jumping out of the bed and skipping to the bathroom with a smile plastered on my face. What a time to be alive.

Having lots of homework to do, then dropping all of it to do something spontaneous with friends. Just to spice things up.

Having friends who are genuinely happy and passionate about life.

 

[This was extremely fun and nostalgic to write! I’m excited to write another every semester/year to see how my college experience matures]

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That Kind of Man

Is this who I am?  Sometimes I catch myself acting differently around different types of people. This post is for me to look at when I’m too busy, caught up in life and need a reminder of why I’m here. This post is for me so I can hold myself to my degree of integrity. This post is for me to look at when I feel like I’m having conflicting identities.

This is for me…

I want to be the kind of man who is interesting, regardless of who I am with.

The kind of man who spends life finding value he can give to others.

The kind of man who is creative and confident in his imagination.

A man of kindness and affection.

The kind of man able to articulate his thoughts clearly through every medium: words, music, speech, art.

The kind of man who is not absent minded, intensely focused and aware of every moment.

The kind of man who builds an image of himself as someone motivated by learning difficult things.

The kind of man proud of having worked hard rather than being smart and talented.

The kind of man who not just experiences, but also puts into words and shares with other people.

The kind of man who looks for change.

The kind of man who sees the value in you before you need to say anything.

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A best friend.

The kind of man with eyes that look into your soul and makes you want to tell stories about yourself.

The kind of man who won’t stroke your ego but will build you up.

A mentor.

The kind of man who sees the beauty of ideas before everybody else does.

The kind of man who is comfortable showing affection.

The kind of man who makes you think and feel…

The kind of man you notice when he’s in the room and the one you miss when he’s not.

Spontaneous.

The kind of man who acts out of love and passion.

The kind of man who is educated and talks about issues that matter to people.

The same person in work and play.

The person who makes you think about things you’ve never thought about before.

The kind of man who doesn’t need to tell people about starting, but shows up with progress.

The kind of man who never grows old because he is always changing things up in his life.

The kind of man who laughs at his mistakes.

The kind of man who wanders the path of questioning and failure, but never forgets to look at the beauty around him.

That

kind

of man.

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This post was inspired by a similar post Andrea made, thanks for making me think about myself in this manner.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss

Pass Fail Never Ends

Back in high school, all I cared about was boosting my GPA. I never thought I could learn so much from failing.
I didn’t come to Swarthmore to continue doing the things I excelled at – then college would just be an expensive summer camp. Pass/Fail meant that I could spend time on myself, I could take that seminar on Philosophy, a topic I thought I’d never study. I could spend my time with new friends, maybe get into a relationship, exercise to maintain my health, all without these dreaded grades pressuring me, right? Most people I know failed at certain subjects in school (maybe not getting F’s, but by struggling) and now have simply decided “I’m not a ____ person” or “I just don’t get _____” e.g. “I’m not a Math person.” That absolves them from trying, which keeps them from failing, which keeps them from learning.
At a place like Swarthmore, too many people are killing themselves working to get that perfect GPA. Make sure you get a B, and do it early. Once you do you’ll stop worrying about having to get a perfect GPA because it’s no longer attainable. Only then will you be free to actually get an education. College is the time to take risky courses in topics you don’t understand, in topics you aren’t sure you like, and in topics that appear beyond your grasp.
Successful students have been taught to rely on talent, which makes them unable to fail gracefully.
But I challenge you to go out there – challenge yourself and fail.
 
Fail to make your time worth it.